Back in 2006, when leaving Arandis for the first time, not truly knowing if I would ever be back was truly hard for me to do. I mean, let's be real about this, how many times in one's life does one think they will visit Africa, let alone return? Yet here it is, my fifth trip now coming to an end. With every trip that I have returned, leaving seems to have been easier, or at least not as hard as the first time. I guess that's a good thing. Or maybe a God thing?
But leaving is not without its paining.
Paining is what people here seem to use in place of hurts, or hurting. Many times we heard the children say, my head is paining, my stomach is paining. Yes, leaving here is paining. Leaving behind someone you are trying to help is not easy to do. There are a couple of children here that I truly feel bad about leaving; that I cannot be here to continue to support them on a daily basis because that is what is needed. Yes, one of the children is Chandre. Please keep her and many of the older children in your prayers as they cope with the pressures of coming into their teenage years. Issues of acceptance with oneself, with peers, sexual pressures, and alchohol are no different here than at home, with one exception; I believe the children here have a higher chance of falling to these temptations and urges simply because of the culture here.
Many people may ask what I miss most when I am here for such a long time. My only answer is Karen, the girls, other family and friends. There is absolutely nothing else that I miss from my life / lifestyle in the U.S. Okay, well maybe Frankie [our dog]... but I guess I would be chastised if I did not include him as part of the family. [Our concept of pets, and particularly the money we spend on them, really blows the minds of Africans here. And rightly so. But that's another discussion for another day.]
I know that for one or two weeks, my body's clock will be messed up beyond what you can imagine. Yet, what bewilders me is that whenever I come here, I am not messed up at all. I can arrive one day and feel normal the following morning.
I know that after having lived a meager lifestyle while here, I will question why I have all that I have, that I really don't need, back home.
I know that I will likely gain back the 10+ pounds I have lost while being here; which is, in some respects, testimony to all of the 'extras' I am blessed with back home.
I know that after having been here for a month, and not done the things I might normally do, why I end up getting drawn back into life as it is in the U.S.
I know that even after having completed this, my fifth trip, that there will be a sixth trip. When? Who knows. But I know there is a promise that it will happen.
So here is it, well after 1AM, Friday. No longer is it the night before, but it is now the day we leave. It is the start of a a 4-day weekend. Music and voices can be heard throughout the town; most likely originating from one of the shabeens [bars] here in town. I think I can expect this for at least another couple of hours; or at least it was not until after 3 AM that the music and voices subsided last night.
Thanks for following along and while I would like to promise or suggest there will be more posts, I would hate to disappoint [again] and not have any. So, there will be no such promises.
Well, the children are back at their home with their new temporary auntie. Candice is her name and she is 30 years old. She appears to have a heart for children and, as she takes on this awesome responsibility on her own, please keep her and Angela, Riaan, Ismael, Smithley, Queen and Memory, in your prayers during this [yet another] transition period.
Already it seems different knowing they are not here. As I begin to write this entry, it is well before their bedtime, yet it is quiet here. Normally at this time we are trying to settle them down for bed after having them bathe. It would have been their reading time now with lights out by 8PM.
But there's nothing. No sounds except for any activity outside.
Now, after being here for 26 days, try as I might, it's seems hard to imagine how this trip would have been WITHOUT having had the children to care for. No doubt I would have spent more time in the school, helping with the computer lab, teaching keyboarding perhaps. Maybe the two websites I had planned on completing, one new and one redesign, would actually have been completed.
It would have been different.
Jackie was telling me of the conversation she had with our next door neighbor, who is also a teacher at Talitha Kumi Christian Academy, where five of the children attend school. She has a heart for these children and often tears up when talking about them. However, yesterday, she said to Jackie that not only did we help the children, but we also were an inspiration to her - just by watching us simply get off a plane from America and take on the responsibility of six children and do all of the things we did - without having any prior knowledge of these plans.
One of the unexpected ripples.
So, what's on tap for tomorrow, our last day? We will most likely take advantage of our reduced responsibilities and begin our family visits to say our goodbyes. We still need to be available to make have the children for lunch since Candice will be heading in to Swakopmund with the other mommies to do their monthly grocery shopping. The children arrive home from school around 1:30 and these shopping trips typically take a bit longer. Yes, 7-8 mommies will pack into a mini van with a small trailer in tow to go shopping for the month. I've been on one of those shopping days during another visit here and it is interesting to see how it is all coordinated as not everyone shops at the same place.
I guess packing is also on tap, though I believe I will be able to condense two suitcases of 50 pounds each, one computer bag and one [20+ pound backpack] into one suitcase and a backpack that is more reasonable [much less than 20 pounds] in weight. Going home is always so much 'lighter' not having all of the supplies that we bring down. There will be a first, however, on this return trip for I will be bringing back a laptop that is not working, to see if I can get it fixed and then transported back by others who will be visiting later on this summer.
I think we will also get some time to talk with Brenda about how these past four weeks have gone and how we can continue to help out at the ministry here and prepare for our return trip. What could be next? How can being foster mom and dad to 6 children be topped? Well, some of the families here have 8-9 children and maybe one of those mommies needs some time off.
So here we are, in the morning of our last Sunday. Waiting here to head on over to the 10 AM Mass with Auntie Kassie and Auntie Jeanette. It's Palm Sunday and I am anxious to see just how it is celebrated here in Arandis; albeit in the Damara and Afrikaans languages.
Today we also need to make sure we finish getting photographs of the children and families for the website and deliver the tubs of Marshmallow Fluff that I brought down for them. If there is one thing that is consistent about this trip, as all of the others, it is the feeling I get towards the end; the feeling of so much to do and so little time.
Yesterday we had a great time at Moon City. It is sort of a private park where you can go and have a braai (cookout) and swim in a large brackish-water pool. The children had a wonderful time, as did the adults. A chance to simply unwind, laugh, talk and watch the children be children.
We topped the day off by making popcorn for the kids and heading to the edge of the desert and watching the sun set; something I had not yet done despite having been here 3 weeks.
I've begun to try to process how this trip has been for me. A trip in which the only thing I feel I planned or had a hand in was physically purchasing the plane tickets.
But the countdown has begun.
On Friday, April 2nd, as I am lifted off Namibian soil, how will I feel? How will I perceive this 5th trip here? As mission accomplished? But whose mission? Certainly not mine for I never could have planned this mission.
But is it ever really completed? When it comes to caring for children, how can it be? No, it's not mission complete, but chapter complete.
So what about this chapter? Only time will tell. No doubt it will be long after I have left, not just Namibia, but maybe this world, that the ripples I may have had a hand in creating will reach their outermost edges.
I can only hope that they've created other ripples... along the way.
I should be much more afraid of being mistaken and then finding out that Christianity is true than of being
mistaken in believing it to be true. (Pascal)
We all want to get to heaven but nobody wants to die. (Unknown...still looking)
God hasn't given you the events of your life to hold in your own hands. He is allowing you to watch them
unfold in His. (Shannon Kubiak, "God Called a Girl")
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